بس اک داغِ سجدہ مری کائنات

جبینیں تری ، آستانے ترے

عبدالحمید عدم

بےانتہا

میری تنہائیوں سے کہنا میں اکیلا نہیں ہوں

دل کی دوہائیوں سے کہنا میں اکیلا نہیں ہوں

جو چھوڑ گئیں بیچ راستے میں میرا ساتھ

ان روٹھی پرچھائیوں سے کہنا میں اکیلا نہیں ہوں

جن کے ڈر سے تو رہتی ہے مجھ سے خفا خفا

ان رسوائیوں سے کہنا میں اکیلا نہیں ہوں

میرے آنسو سناتے ہیں جس محبت کی داستاں

ان گواہیوں سے کہنا میں اکیلا نہیں ہوں

تجھے چاہا تھا اور چاہوں گا ہمیشہ بے انتہا

اپنی بیوفائیوں سے کہنا میں اکیلا نہیں ہوں

میری تنہائیوں سے کہنا میں اکیلا نہیں ہوں

therighteouspath:

‎أعوذ بالله من حزنٍ يأكل القلب بصمت

I seek refuge in God from sorrows that rip me apart in silence

(via ibtasem-deactivated20180225)

srfash:

ﻭﻗﺖ ﮐﮯ ﺑﺪﻟﻨﮯ ﺳﮯ ﺩﻝ ﮐﮩﺎﮞ ﺑﺪﻟﺘﮯ ﮨﯿﮟ
ﺁﭖ ﺳﮯ ﻣﺤﺒﺖ ﺗﮭﯽ ﺁﭖ ﺳﮯ ﻣﺤﺒﺖ ﮨﮯ

my life is like a lonely, empty highway that leads nowhere.

Sometimes it curves up, above another road, and I see people in cars whizzing past below me. Their laughter rings in my head long after they are gone.

Sometimes I shut my eyes and imagine everything that could be; everything that I have seen those people doing. When I dream like this, my chest swells with such longing and anticipation that I can almost, almost taste everything that I imagine- it feels nearly tangible, barely a millimetre away.

Sometimes I wait too long, and my eyes flutter open. The dream always breaks. When I look again, the empty road stretches before me.

I suppose that’s why they are called dreams,
because a lifetime passes by
but not one of them comes true.

I’m back in the depressive dump.

These patterns repeat themselves year after year, I can already see my myself getting weaker and breaking down again in the next few months and making terrible decisions that I will regret the whole of next year.

I hope this Ramadan is different- I don’t want to be paralysed with fear again and waste the next half of the year hiding from my thoughts.

Tomorrow, I have to muster the strength to go to my agent alone. I hope they are kind to me.

I also made plans to go to a film festival with my sister tomorrow but I don’t want to go anywhere. It’s going to be a huge social event and I don’t have the strength to meet all these people who will ask me questions about my career. The film we picked out also looks pretty disturbing and intense and considering how mentally shaky I am right now, I don’t think I should watch it at all.

I also need to submit things and send out some emails tomorrow and the more I put them off, the more they weigh on my mind.

My mother is going to host a dinner for a huge bunch of people that I really don’t like.

I’ve come to the conclusion that some wounds will never heal, you’ll just forget about them. Once in a while, they’ll appear in front of you and you’ll remember that they exist.

Let them be, look ahead.